Wednesday, February 11, 2015

A Fair Tale Told In Three Die Rolls

(Ahh, you thought I skipped a week, didn't you?  Well as I was internet disabled last week and will be so next week, I've decided to combine three posts into a single, non-random creation)

Fairness: The Universal Dice Battle 
by William Not Shakespeare

Act I - All Men Are Created Equal

Enter two men and a d20 (aka a portable dodecahedron labeled 1-20 on each facet)

Man 1: Greetings Man 2! Ready to vie for success today?

Man 2: Absolutely, Man 1. As a clone of you, we should be perfectly equivalent competitors.

Man 1: Of course! Let's roll for the victory; highest roll wins. May the Odds be with us!

Man 2: Wait a second; how do I know if this competition is fair?

Man 1: Well, we'll be rolling the same exact die, minus incidental wear and tear from rolling it.

Man 2: That almost sounds fair to me.  Okay then...let me roll first!

Man 1: It's my die.  I will roll first.

Man 2: If you roll first, then I declare the contest unfair.

Man 1: What? That's silly.

The chat fades and eventually a die is rolled twice, visceral violence is exchanged and in due time the spoils of the world are split between them.

Exit, pursued by their male privilege.

Act II - All Humans Have a Right to Equalish Opportunity

Enter two humans and a d20.

Human 1: Ahh, how times have changed!

Human 2: I agree. No longer are gender, sexual orientation, race, age, world view or nationality a barrier to access experience,

Human 1: Indeed.  Now we can finally pursue economic opportunities and explore life paths with true fairness.

Human 2: Excellent, so let's roll the die to see how Nature favors our outcomes.

Human 1: Joy!  Hey, even though I own the die, I'll permit you to roll first.

Human 2: You're so kind.  Wait a minute, are you trying to trick me?

Entangled banter ensues with a modicum of violence and a double handful of environmental exploitation, after which the two humans divvy up the spoils of the world.

Exit, pursued by their human privilege.

Act III - All Persons Deserve Goodness

Enter two persons and a d20.

Person 1:  Welcome Person 2!  I think we finally have devised a fair arena for competition.

Person 2:  Blindly met, Person 1! I have no idea if you are homo sapiens, thinking creature, artificially intelligent being, or corporate personhood, so finally we should be competing on equal terms, as equivocated by the Law!

Person 1: Agreed!  With the world in quasi-utopian balance, individuals and hive mentalities of all types, including the planet's own well represented personhood, are free to interact fairly and satisfy themselves through synergistic experience and contributions to the greater good!

Person 2: That goes without saying, so are we here for some competition, or what?

Person 1: Indeed, let's tumble the die and see how the Universe intends for the ancillary results to fall.

Person 2: Game on!  Let's have fun!

Person 1: Wait a second; I seem to have misplaced the d20...

Exit, pursued by the next iteration of fairness.


Coda:  In Lieu of Commentary (or The Cake is a Lie)

d20: I am zie that opposes all of you.  It's quite funny...funny-strange, not funny-ha-ha...watching you all compete among yourselves.  Bravo?

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