Saturday, April 18, 2026

Reminiscing #FalseKeyRocks

Wow, it's been 8 years since my first publication in South of Sundown. It was fun rereading this story from that anthology. Enjoy! 



#FalseKeyRocks

by Brian Bohmueller

The sun eased into the ocean’s horizon. Some might contend such an observation was inspired by a geocentric frame of reference and reinforced by millennia of convergent storytelling. Others, schooled in modern astronomy with an awe toward real world physics, might relate instead that the Earth’s shadow terminus approached with speed from anti-spinward.  Either way, the result was the same; the transition from day to night had begun at False Key.   

As dusk seeped ashore on the remote and rocky beach of False Key’s western most point,  a gathering of figures assembled.  It wouldn’t be unusual for a beach party to start so late in the afternoon. The evidence seemed to favor this premise, given the makings of a bonfire at their conversational center. Then again, perspective is everything; a mosquito that dared fly close enough might assess that a junta of extraordinary creatures wearing human glamours had in truth gathered.

Swack!

“Who has the damn bug spray?” Mike complained, wiping the bloody carcass of a monstrous mosquito, now mangled and flattened, to the sandy ground.  Mike left the meteor streak of blood drying on his rather flabby, pale arm in favor of catching the bottle of DEET-Tastic tossed to him.

“Shoulda sprayed earlier, ya wanker!” Soucray chastised, her voice a new age rapper’s sampled mix of seashell echoes.

“It is finaleee sunset. Can weeee get on with theees?” Bha’ ja whined impatiently while scratching at the scalp beneath her short-cropped gray and black coiff.

“Notta chance, until da last of da eight arrive.” voiced Soucray. “Saiphon...will be da last.”

The obsidian skinned man on Soucray’s right bellowed, “You have called in a lot of favors for us to wander in human guise this day, Soucray.  Best you not hold us here longer than prudent.”  His sparkling eyes impaled Soucray with a gaze of accountability.

Indeed, Soucray had invoked her one-time right to unify the power of many demesnes this Summer Solstice eve. To power her incantation she had tasked those present to take human form this day and discover, steal, or otherwise obtain human painted rocks from the inaugural False Key Rock Festival. The festival celebrated the viral meme of the moment, art abandonment in the form of custom painted river rocks left for others to find in the wild. Whether left on hiking trails, in cafes, or any other place  a human might stumble serendipitously, these objects were meant to be selfless joyful gifts. The rocks painted at this festival in particular harbored a uniquely mystical energy. And each was conveniently labeled by their creators on their reverse with the rune-like hashtag “#FalseKeyRocks.”  With these special stones collected by her peers Soucray would appeal to the Universe for a boon. 

Soucray replied to the group’s impatience, “We wait fer Saiphon. Widdout him dis ritual be bound to fail. In seven dair is indeed mystery and strength. By heaven’s need, in eight dair can be an undertaking uv real power.”

“Your ritual is teeedious...” began Bha’ ja only to be interrupted by a sudden roar. A large swell had crashed high on the coquina outcropping upon which the circle of seven sat. The swell broke ferociously on the craggy limestone causing an eruption of radiant orange globules to defy gravity.  As if summoned by this intermixing of elements, a creature the size of an elephant seal waddled in several hopping lopes through the retreating ocean foam and onto the coquina platform to join the circle.

In actuality, Saiphon was indeed an elephant seal, and simultaneously the physical incarnation representing the Deep Sea demesne. Having disposed of his human guise already he announced his presence with a pointed two-tone bark. Saiphon’s towering silhouette seemed quite at odds with the human forms present.

“Very well, Saiphon,” answered Soucray. “Welkum den. Jus’ be aware dat ye be da last. And yes, da rest uh ye can shed yer human skins if ye like. Your day among da humans collecting stones is at its end.”

Saiphon barked again and the seven other ostensibly human creatures melted into shadow, shifting into forms that were aligned with their true natures. In the fading grays of twilight the pile of wood at their center writhed fluidly and sprouted toward the starry sky. The amorphous sapling continued to grow and twist as its thickening trunk spiraled into a great wooden loop, all while extruding branches of needles and pinecones that aged and shriveled with such speed time itself shuddered.

Beneath the now towering loop of tree Soucray proclaimed, “Zen let us begin. Each uv us shall profess da name given ye and da demaine ye dun represent. Den put da two stones you ahv acquired in da circle ‘round da portal tree jus’ as I do.”

The shortest of pauses followed before the incantation proper began.

“I be Soucriante’ known to me peoples as Ole-higue. I be uv da Elder demaine and deez be da stones I awfuh.”

Soucray’s hand extended to the tree’s periphery, a hand whose skin resembled more the pinebark than human skin. Her naked torso, though humanoid, had the texture of wizened driftwood, cracked and bleached from toe to breast to brow. She placed her two stones upside down displaying the rune-like lettering “#FalseKeyRocks” on each. Then as if the offering to the tree had been accepted each stone flipped to its more artistic side. The first stone depicted the two dominant orbs of the sky in opposition: Sol and Luna, while the second portrayed a blueish heptapod, adroitly painted by the artist to resemble a sea star spinning like a galaxy in starry space. Each stone glowed dimly with its acceptance.

Soucray nodded to her right and without pause the deep voice of the obsidian man continued the incantation. “I am Phosh-an Aswol of the domain Night and these are the two stones I retrieved from the mortals today.”

Two stones glided from within the pool of darkness that hung in the air where the obsidian man had sat a minute before. The floating stones turned slowly end over end landing softly and precisely at the tree’s base. Each “#FalseKeyRocks” emblem sat exposed for a second, then as if on cue, flipped together revealing a glossy depiction of Mercury next to an oblong rock dabbed with seven blue blotches, each blotch embossed with a wavy black glyph.

Around the circle the ritual proceeded. Leptos, Vangeaux Quetz Kubilay and Dimmel reporting in for the domains of Stellar Origin, Whimsey and Eternally Broken Things.  Each stone, after being placed adjacent to the tree flipped silently from its “#FalseKeyRocks” side to the side decorated by human hands.  In sequence, a golden pentacle, a bouquet of six roses, the planet Venus, a cartoon octopus, a blue-green Earth, and a single candle were revealed. As each stone was placed the glow emanating from each increased at the tree’s base.

Bha’ ja, now in striped bobcat form, leaped down from her driftwood perch and approached the center, dropping her two rocks from her jaw with impatience. Disregard notwithstanding, they both landed exactly in the spots apportioned for them.

“I am Bha’ ja of the domain Predator and present these stones,” purred the feline in a vibrant tone that lacked her earlier whininess, yet still managed to convey impudence.

A silence descended upon the evening’s quiet that had been punctuated by rolling surf and ritual words. Those who had eyes, raised their brows, as each noted the new stones had not flipped over. Unlike the other stones this one read “#MartinCountyRocks.”

Bha’ ja who had regained her perch on the driftwood log turned toward the silence of the circle and interjected with an annoyed growl, “Whaaattttt!?”

“Da offering ye gave is failed, Bha’ ja. You be now da last,” Soucray coldly pronounced. “On da honor of yer demaine, silence to ye, cat. Now, let us continue da incantation.”

Bha’ ja froze where she stood quite literally; her eyes, mouth and every last hair on her hide stood unnaturally still like a mosquito frozen in amber. Mike’s palpable gulp and sideways glance at Bha’ ja didn’t slow his quick retrieval of stones with a clack from a pocket of his soiled and torn shorts. The only human form now in the group, Mike stepped forward and placed his stones with extra care before the tree.  Both read “#FalseKeyRocks” and Mike exhaled relief before choking out his scripted line.

“I’m Mike of the Homeless by Choice and I give these stones to the circle.” Both stones then flipped revealing Mars and Jupiter rendered in swirls of acrylic color.

Saiphon next waddled forward to the tree at their center. He promptly vomited forth an acrid pool that reeked of digested fish containing the two stones he had held in reserve. Defying probability they landed squarely and wetly beside the tree finishing the circle of stones.  The “#FalseKeyRocks” moniker showed true and in turn flipped, one revealing the ringed planet Saturn and the other painted with three blood red crosses which seemed to convey the brutality of crucifixion --  that or a child’s rendition of tic-tac-toe.

Artistic clarity notwithstanding, the completed circle of stones glowed intensely like fiery coals from volcanic depths. Flames whooshed at their center, then swiftly ran up the ceremonial tree, looping around the tree trunk and throughout the branches and needles. Engulfed by mystical flame, the faux bonfire actually radiated coldness,  giving off no smoke whatsoever.

Soucray raised her hands to the tall fiery tree and exclaimed “Wit’ deez offerings, we submit to da Universe our respect en trust. En we submit da sacrifice of da last, tuh show we understand da seriousness of what we ask.”

Bha’ja’s eyes might have gone wide if they hadn’t been frozen wide already. Tendrils of fire from the tree snaked across the ground to the unmoving bobcat form, twining its form in fiery vines. The vines then retracted the feline, now afire,  with a savoring pace back to merge with the tree’s fiery trunk. The whole tree erupted into a forty foot high inferno that lit the beachhead as if it were day. The tower of flame settled down leaving the vertical loop of the tree trunk afire, fueled by the energy of the stones and sacrifice.

With a hesitation she sought to conceal, Soucray approached the flaming loop and addressed that maw of fire directly. “We ahv served da Universe fer many rotations en revolutions come en gone, en we will do so fer doze yet tuh come, still it remain unclear on how dun best tuh serve.”  

Then, raising her voice in a crescendo that echoed off the fire itself Soucray let loose her emboldened query. “In da names of duh demaines here represented, we ask dat ye show us da true nature of our creators so dat we may better fulfill our destinies!”

The tree’s radiance surged as if in reproach, but within the loop the fire receded, replaced by a window that opened into a foreign realm. The remaining six came as close as they dared to the tree to get a glimpse of the scene within the portal.

Therein shadowy figures could be seen moving about in a harshly lit interior room. Each was human by all appearances and many were sitting at low tables with steaming drinks in the foreground. Central to the scene a metallic stalk stood silvery with a single bulbous, black flower atop.  A figure in flowing green cloth and spectacles of wisdom confronted the black bloom, tapping it twice resulting in two loud thuds and a banshee shriek. The woman’s voice invoked powerfully, “Can we turn the amp down a bit? Thanks. My name is Serena Schreiber, and we want to welcome you to our monthly Howl at the Moon event!  We have several writers here tonight that will be sharing some of their stories, tales crafted to enchant and entertain, and each takes place in the imagined world of False Key…”

The audience present in the cafe, plus seven, watched to see what might unfold.






Tuesday, January 27, 2026

Subjective Ethics Unbound




We chase a moral imperative, each one of us, in our own way, as we interpret the sentiment of good. 

Too often those "good" moral targets are set in stone. Commandments from a mountain top or a gut feeling about what is right. Often, such righteousness is entirely self serving. When we stick to an absolute moral high ground, we have chosen a less mindful path that denies our agency to refine the the definition of goodness that can change with experience and reflection.

Each of us has a different backstory, a different point of view, and unless we want to embrace solipsism (the idea that the individual is the core center of the universe) consideration of the world around us is essential. We are part of a network of other conscious beings, perhaps all the way down to the quantum level. Such molecular consciousness, panpsychism, is lacking in evidence or mechanism, still I think the thought experiment is a useful reflection when considering our individual impact on the world around us.

On a daily basis, each of draw lines in the sand as to what is good or bad, but it is never black and white in reality, only in our minds. Subjective ethics might seem a copout if you can choose what is moral for any situation, but the ideal protocol is to be interactive and iterative in our living assessment and to adjust our values as we go for the best outcomes of all.

Dismissing supernatural beings as is a good start, as we have plenty of conscious beings to work with on Earth as is, and no good evidence for the gods and ghosts organized religion base their business models on. Placing our species ahead of others is as sensible as placing our tribe or family or nation ahead of others. There can be a practical reason in doing so, but when we recognize our end goal is to make the world a better place for all, we can adjust our actions to expand the goodness for all parties.

As sapient beings our judgement has a quality more refined than other species and so our actions ought to be more refined as well. We can avoid choices that we know would cause pain to the ones we love, those similar to us, and those nearest us physically. A black or white response might be easier, but a subjective response is better aligned with the intelligence and compassion of which we as humans are capable.

When the processes of compassion, reason, and desire become evident in our lives we are best able to optimize our ethical thinking and actions. Sorting evidence effectively, recognizing the conscious experience of others leads to an expansion of our ethical reach. Thus human individuals can grow beyond their inherited ethical systems, and pursue tolerance, humanism, sentientism, veganism, stoicism, and beyond toward better and better outcomes. 

The trick is staying every curious, reflective and open to change, as we reflect on the evolutionary and nurtured baselines that never quite go away. 




Tuesday, November 18, 2025

The Fur Person, A Catmentary

The Fur PersonThe Fur Person by May Sarton
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was a delightful book that brought a cat's experience to life. The poetic prose and "miaowed" songs portrayed the hypothetical, mildly anthropomorphized contemplations of Tom "Terrible" Jones. The author did a great job of showing how a stray cat alongside the attentive caring of a "housekeeper" can ramp up its obeisance to its feline inner commandments to become a "Cat of Peace." In the end, the novel showcases how humans and cats can inspire each other to be more joyful with each other, especially while "reading the newspaper."

Written in 1957, the novel does feel a step ahead of its time. Still I can't help but frown inside at the ease with which the book seems to encourage keeping an indoor/outdoor cat. The dangers in real life to the feline as well as wildlife are real...on average an outdoor cat will live 4-5 years compared to 15+ for one loved inside, and the numerous wild animals killed and injured by outdoor cats is atrocious .

An updated rewrite of the novel would be amazing to explore a more modern connection between cats and humans including the use of "catios," pursuing plant-based diets for cats, and never buying pet store cats. We humans need to remember, domestic cats are not part of the the natural environment, they, like dogs, are our adopted companions, and without our care and indoor protection can damage the local ecosystem and themselves.

One of the most delightful features of the novel was the 10 Gentleman Cat Commandments, adding one Cat of Peace commandment that highlighted the shared love of cat and human companions. A prospective 12th Commandment could be A Philosopher Cat finds joy in knowing they are working alongside humans to realize a healthier planet.

View all my reviews

Friday, October 31, 2025

Countess Arugula and the Road Kill Crisis

Countess Arugula, adjusting the velvet collar of her midnight gown, opens her front door with a sigh. "Halloween," she mutters, the name tasting like ash on her ancient tongue. It wasn't her favorite holiday. "Too many pretenders having a laugh at the expense of the supernaturally predisposed."

Her disapproval wasn't just aesthetic. Even forgetting last year's dreadful incident with the blood oranges (she still shivers thinking of the creepy intentions of whoever left them at her doorstep), Halloween itself has soured over the centuries. 

Where were the Samhain sacrifices and the graveyard incantations filling the air with appropriate dread and inspire her nighttime prowling. Nowadays, it was all childish laughter and indulgences in corn syrup laced goodies. Seriously, the high levels of insulin in human veins turned much of November into a truly downer blood-sucking experience.

Sensing her brooding mood from the porch rafters, her bat companion, What's On, glided down and landed gently in her shiny, auburn curls. He mewed a demure "What's on?" and made a warm little nest in her hair, patient to a fault in hopes of the spoils of the evening's hunt.

"Poor little guy. You must be nearly twenty now," Arugula cooed, her quartz face softening momentarily to granite. "Sweet think, I remember it like yesterday when I found you abandoned on my stoop. You just rest. I'm sure there will be some spare flesh for you tonight."

Feeling a sudden need for motion, the Countess leaped ten feet up and grabbed a prominent oak branch. Swinging forward, she tucked into a somersault and catapulted herself to the front walkway. Landing silent as a whisper on the concrete path, she saw the evening's main course laid out before her. In all likelihood, it was the result of a mortal's reckless driving in a rush to attend a masquerade party.

Perfect. No chance this creature's blood was tainted with sugar and spice. Without further delay she sank her teeth into the animal's neck. She sensed fear in the creature's spasms as she drained its lifeforce. As her psychic bond with the deer encouraged peace where there was fear, it occurred to her that her actions could actually bring good to the world. She wasn't killing for herself tonight; this was at least partially unselfish act. 

After a few minutes she rose to breathe deeply of the night. What's On fell from his perch in her hair to lick the oozing blood from the deceased being. The countess was only halfway through her feeding, but best to allow her familiar its fill as well.

It was then a cheerful rumble of paws 

"Evening, Countess! Got a good one there, I see!"

It was Smiles McDog, the local werewolf, and self-professed vegan.

"Smiles," she nodded curtly. "I know you usually get first dibs on roadkill. Will you forgive my trespass, so to speak." 

"Tis the first time I've seen you feasting on the dead, Arugula. Growing some scruples, finally?" Smiles chuckled, scratching his muzzle.

"Indeed," Arugula sighed, then brightened. "This creature needed a little assistance to find her path to peace. There was something stirring about lending a hand to ease the fear in dying." 

Smiles crouching just out of the countess's reach, retorted, "There is no reason we can't be ethical creatures. I still cringe at the fact that it took me so long to see the light. Indoctrination dies hard."

"I will give it some thought. Perhaps I can help those who are faced with a harrowing death move forward, if they have the need."

"Reason and compassion lie at the heart of ethics. If we recognize the consent of other conscious creatures, then there is hope yet, even for our immortal kind."

"Anyways, given the full moon is still a week away, there is no reason not to share. Come on What's On, let's see if we can find some other consenting victims, no...consenting souls."

As Countess Arugula floats in a gentle spiral up into sky, Smiles sniffs the carcass and hefts it over his hairy shoulder and whispers to himself as much as to the deer's lingering essence.

"Come on, you poor creature, even though your consciousness is no longer, there is no reason I can't feast on your flesh in private, where both of us can enjoy a modicum of dignity."



Monday, October 27, 2025

States of Change Chapter 44: Equality (Wyoming)

 

States of Change is an ongoing work of serial fiction.

The speculative story-line seeks to inspire thought on ethics, culture and our planet's future.

The year is 2076, decades after Oosa's defederalization. 

Fifty independent States have forged unique societies from 

revolutionary technology and ideology




All Sandeep can hear is the muffled whine of the thorium powered snow-wolf. He hugs Silvia's midsection as she navigates toward the distant maw of the Tetons. Bison by the score wander scattered across the expansive snowscape filigreed with frosted pines. The setting sunlight sparkles as the snow-wolf jets through sporadic fumarole fog.

And it is fucking cold! thinks Sandeep.

 His air-gel thermals and heated seat take the edge off the chill, but each breath reminds him it is fifteen below all around him.  Add to that his dread at the upcoming night together at the Faithful Lodge. The tenth anniversary of his romantic binding to Silvia ought to be joyful. Yet the thought of recent silences between them consumes him.

A soft chime resonates in Sandeep's ear, coming through his visAR.

"Status Check, Sandeep. Your physiological markers indicate high emotional distress overlaid with anticipation. Your thoughts seem to be prioritizing the emotional 'cost' of your anniversary over its 'value.' Care to articulate the source of this inner dissonance?"

Sandeep subtly taps the base of his helmet twice—the code for a private channel reply. "It's the silence, Zen. It feels like we're just two people sharing expenses to stay stave off the chill of aging alone. This winter adventure was supposed to rekindle a youthful fire, but why am I just feeling empty dread?"

"Dread can be a response to an expected negative outcome. Consider the data: Do the silent moments have the potential to build a contented tranquility, or are they becoming voids where difficult conversations are being avoided? As a level three counseling construct I'm required to highlight non-confrontational real-time therapy can itself lead to overly high expectations in the human relationships."

"Ironic, I know. I just feel safer sharing my inner thoughts with you. Still, I'll give it some thought. I just wish things were naturally at ease between Silvia and I."

The lodge comes into view through the thin fog—a hulking timber structure glowing warmly against the twilight. Silvia slows the snow-wolf, bringing them gently up to the covered porch. As she cuts the engine, the sudden quiet seems to amplify the void within Sandeep.

Silvia turns and gives him a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "We made it, Sandy. Ten hours of adventure, ten years of togetherness."

"Yeah. Ten years," he echoes, the phrase feeling less like a celebration and more like a sentence. 

Inside, the fire is roaring. As they sit across from each other at the heavy wood table in the bar, Silvia starts talking about retrofitting the hydro-filtration system at their urban flat—all projects, maintenance, and logistics.

"Observation: Silvia is engaging in 'Task Talk'—a strategy to avoid emotional intimacy. This pattern aligns with your previous reports of emotional compartmentalization. Question: Does this behavior meet your core need for connection?"

Sandeep watches the fire dance in her eyes, eyes that no longer seem to hold a the spark of reckless adventure. He realizes the silences were only empty because he wasn't taking the initiative to shift them elsewhere. 

He sets down his cider mug. "Silvia," he starts, his voice steady.

She stopped mid-sentence. "Yes?"

"We need to talk less about home maintenance and more about our connection." he gestures with a hand wave between them. "I had a chat with Zen while we were riding today."

"Damn, are you going to let IT dominate our partnership. I've said it before...if a relationship can't make it without cloud therapy, then perhaps it shouldn't make it at all."

"And for once I agree with you, well except Zen is a good soundboard for me. In fact, because of that chat, I realize I need to ditch the real-time therapy so I can be more present when we're together."

Silvia’s guarded look cracks, and she laughs out loud. "That is too funny, so are you saying you're going to break up with your buddy Zen?"

The Zen construct transmits "Is that what you're saying, Sandeep. Are we breaking up?"

Sandeep rolls his eyes and taps his visAR to let Silvia know Zen was listening in.

"In a nutshell, yes. I'm going to revert to thirty minute sessions with Zen once a week, if you will join me in them, so we can build our relationship stronger."

Silvia tilts her head. "Well I think I can live with that. anything to get that ghost out of your head all the time. How about we play a game, Sandy. A little fireside Go, perhaps."

"Yeah, sure."

Zen whispers to Sandeep, "Your line of action surprises me, but I actually think it'll be good for you both shifting to intermittent joint sessions. I see you both have next Friday at 7pm open. Will that be suitable."

"Zen wants to know if 7pm next Friday works?"

"Yes Zen it works...now goodnight and let us humans wallow in our imperfection for a bit."

Silvia rolls out the Go board and the stones clatter across the table, a few falling to the floor.

"Ten years and I'm still such a klutz at times," laughs Silvia.

Sandeep joins in the laughter reaching down to pick up the pieces.

Wednesday, May 21, 2025

The Lightness Without

Found some poetry I wrote back in 2017.

Light shines from outside ourselves

Solar powered hope

Rotating into view each day

It burns skin even as it brightens paths

Blinding possibilities

Starlit nights

Photons slam into our lives

Rebounding at wavelength speed

Unsquared energy over mass

Genesis observation

Racing outward long before we noticed

Quantum flames

Veritas rising Quarks swell into galaxies Cells grope toward civilization Science seek its answers Hearts their meaning Dualistic guardians of truth

The big bang fades into the CMB

Converging ever toward the Big Freeze

Humans sit in the middle and watch

Each retinal impulse our connection

To a universe out to kill us

And praise us, both


Written back in 2017, likely inspired by this Kim Stanley Robinson reflection:


Look at the pattern this seashell makes. The dappled whorl, curving inward to infinity. That's the shape of the universe itself. There's a constant pressure, pushing toward pattern. A tendency in matter to evolve into ever more complex forms. It's a kind of pattern gravity, a holy greening power we call veriditas, and it is the driving force in the cosmos. Life, you see. … And because we are alive, the universe must be said to be alive. We are its consciousness as well as our own. We rise out of the cosmos and we see its mesh of patterns, and it strikes us as beautiful. And that feeling is the most important thing in all the universe—its culmination, like the color of a flower at first bloom on a wet morning. It’s a holy feeling, and our task in this world is to do everything we can to foster it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2025

Octopeus ex Machina (Prodigy Prison)

A satire inspired by the novel Remarkably Bright Creatures


Pulpo Gallego thrust-glides from air tank to air tank, her eight arms, a veritable polishing machine on each habitat's primary viewing surface. The large center air tank features three American buffalo, a snow leopard and twelve pangolins, all rescues. Two of three of her hearts quicken while imagining how the lumbering antics of these frightful land creatures entertain and educate larval and juvenile octopodes.

As a sixty month old Pacific Giant Octopus, Pulpo is nearing reproductive maturity. Still, she thrills at immersing herself in sanitation duties at Lazy Ledges Landlife Museum. The North Pacific facility is nestled in a remote inlet adjacent to the San Juan Islands. Without her dedication, thousands of paralarvae and juvenile octopodes drifting through the museum daily would leave lasting, gelatinous suction marks and excrement streaks everywhere. She takes great pleasure in keeping the glass surfaces sparkling and transparent.

The currents in the main observation area generally take the young octopodes through a scenic spiral that favors the central tank and a view of the bluffs above, Pulpo favors the often forgotten side air tank areas which feature habitats for would-be broiler chickens, bacon piglets and her personal favorite, a single member of the hominid family, a human by the name of Erik.

The plaque outside his tank is tentacle-etched with artistic flair. The colorful swirls detail how Erik was rescued as a mature juvenile.

Erik the hominid and his mate were retrieved from an adrift dinghy by Activist Team Kraken during a marine-life slaughter vessel raid in 1989. The female was immediately released once she was found to be healthy although irresponsibly impregnated, ostensibly by Erik.

Unfortunately, Erik's psychological injuries were considered extreme as he suffered from exposure to life-long, carnist indoctrination. As such, this remarkably bright creature has been cared for diligently by museum staff for the past thirty years. No expense has been spared. Erik is fed healthy kelp salads flecked with algae crisps and tossed with sea ginger vinaigrette. The ambitious thirty year hominid mission envisions Erik being released back in the wild with a more compassionate mindset on his fiftieth birthday.

Our hope is that Erik might inspire his world-dominating species to refrain from slaughtering millions upon millions of octopode-kind for Greek Food festivals and French Fusion chophouses.

Year 29.7 of Captivity Hi, I'm Erik. I haven't seen another human for 29 years so forgive me if I'm a bit brief in my story. I was kidnapped.

Pulpo Gallego presses her tentacle to the hominid's observation glass wall. Her arms pulsate colorfully wondering if the barking hominid understands any of what she intimates. She has devoted her many months to the museum's cleanliness. Sure, the vending machine which boasts plant-based, pickled sea cucumbers and peppered scallops is a delightful bonus. Between mopping and scrubbing, Pulpo often contemplates how octopus-kind transcended their survival-of-the-fittest evolution over the past few centuries. She wonders if Erik and his species are even capable of compassion. While she has worked at The Ledges, Erik has shrieked, banged, and spat from inside his habitat. Regardless, she likes to think she has a special connection with the bipedal primate. Of course, his cryptic grumbling and flailing may simply be too foreign for her to understand.

Pulpo and all her cousins' emotional intelligence has been hard won, especially since octopuses evolved without the need for significant socializing behavior. Despite having evolved to survive alone, modern octopodes developed their social skills artificially, which has enabled Pulpo Gallego to meet up socially each week with her chatty "Arm-Marms," allegedly to arrange shells and sip algae oil.

The Arm-Marms frequently speculate with trepidation upon what being an octopus mother might be like, since as mature females, each of them are mere weeks away from the joy of being offered a male's spermatophore nodules. Pulpo herself daydreams of Not Cala Mari, the male octopus who drifted in two weeks ago and made a home in the sunken death seiner at the south end of the inlet. Her mantle quivers in waves of seagrass green at the thought of his nodules detaching inside her.

If honest, her deeper orgasmic thoughts center on her would-be clutch of 180,000 eggs. Of course there won't be time to get acquainted with any of her paralarvae since she will perish soon after they hatch. After hatching, the marine elements and predators will claim 99 percent of them before they gain a full foothold on life. And sadly the human deathships will over time steal 99 percent of those that do survive into young adulthood, all part of the millions of octopodes destined for deep freeze and/or charcoal grilling by the land hominids.

Over many months her shell craft group has grown close. Sharing exhaustive rainbow flashes of primal fears has unified their sentiments on their species' likely extinction due to hominid impacts. Nevertheless, at the end of the last Arm-Marms session a gentle mellow signaling is exchanged symbolizing the empowerment of their aggregate life-times of reproductive planning. Final tentacle-tip goodbyes are twined flush with fluorescent pastels of hope.

Year 29.8 of Captivity I managed to get out of my prison cell once about twenty-seven years ago. My intent was to escape up the bluffs, but then I saw several fattened chickens in a nearby cell. Sure, I've gotten used to the tasty kelp salads, but I was taught as a youth that I need animal protein sources. I gnawed through three hens before the damned octopi security pulled me off and sealed me in my cell for good.

Pulpo makes one final visit to The Ledges facility. I look at Erik in his air tank habitat and deep down I know this isn't the life he would have chosen for himself. I squish my eye up against the viewing glass to size up his hairy alien form as best I can.

He doesn't cower behind his mock-up entertainment box as he did when we first met. And he rarely shrieks or grumbles anymore, which I take as a sign that he's adjusted. Today he simply lifts his two upper arms and extends both center tentacles in my direction. I'm smart enough to sense it might be a gesture of displeasure. I respond with a full-body orange glow implying the hope that the kindness shared over our many-month connection will serve as a bridge to interspecies harmony.

Year 29.9 of Captivity Communicating with the latest octopus prison guard outside is useless. I collapse on the slimy camper-van mattress next to the fake console TV in my cell. The TV itself is only good for hiding my precious barnacle treasures, each one a wished upon trinket calling for the US Navy to blast apart this insane prison and rescue me. I occasionally stare at the TV pretending Flipper and Love Boat reruns are on. It's partly how I resisted dementia for so long. Still, over the years, I've gradually gone numb and I rage internally, fantasizing how I will kill every one of these so-called intelligent monsters. If I escape, I know where I'm gettin' my next serving of extra protein!!

Pulpo Gallego side-strokes out of the museum entrance portal and catches the outgoing current. An expanse of dead coral glides beneath her and her body sighs with pink and cobalt flashes, conveying subconscious sadness at not being able to attend Erik the hominid's upcoming release party. She'll probably have hatched her clutch and be long dead before Erik even reaches his atmospheric civilization. Empathy surges colorless within her mantle.

The tidal current pushes Pulpo forward and her daydreams shift to how her offspring might one day be truly loved by hominid kind, and not with a wasabi rub and side of basmati rice. She chuckles darkly. Seriously, maybe with Erik's help the human herd will finally pick up the diplomatic slack and work to forge a healthy planet full of healthy ecosystems.

As the kelp forest and its multitude of sea urchins fades behind her, Pulpo's eight arms tingle in harmony. Her mind anticipates the ecstasy of securing Not Cala Mari's spermatophore nodules inside her. In the distance, through the swirl of ocean debris, Pulpo sees the skeletal beams of the deathship wreck bringing her ever closer to her destiny.